$FREE TERMS OF SERVICE

1. AGREEMENT TO TERMS 📜

By accessing our website, clicking anything, thinking about clicking anything, looking at your screen, or existing within the same galaxy as our servers, you agree to these Terms of Service. If you disagree, close this tab immediately, throw your device into the ocean, and move to a remote cabin in the woods.

2. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS 🧠

We own everything on this website, including any thoughts you have while visiting it. Any similarities to actual cryptocurrencies, investment platforms, or legitimate businesses are purely coincidental and frankly a little offensive to suggest. Our lawyers wanted us to say that.

3. USER REPRESENTATIONS 🤝

By using $FREE, you represent and warrant that:

• You have at least 3 friends you can recruit into our pyramid scheme investment opportunity
• You are not employed by any regulatory agency, unless you're willing to look the other way
• You have a poor understanding of financial markets and mathematical probability
• You believe everything you read on the internet
• You have money to burn (literally, we may ask you to burn money as part of our proprietary tokenomics system)
• You are willing to post about $FREE on social media at least 17 times per day

4. PROHIBITED ACTIVITIES 🚫

The following activities are strictly prohibited:

• Thinking critically about our promises of 10,000% returns
• Consulting with financial advisors, lawyers, or anyone with common sense
• Attempting to withdraw your funds (this creates negative energy in our ecosystem)
• Using a calculator to verify our math
• Reading these terms of service carefully
• Asking where our company is registered or who our CEO is
• Selling $FREE when the price goes up (this is considered treason)

5. CONTRIBUTION LICENSE 💰

By sending us money (sorry, "investing"), you grant us an irrevocable, worldwide license to do whatever we want with it. This may include, but is not limited to: buying lambos, funding our CEO's space tourism ambitions, acquiring rare Pokemon cards, or converting it all to pennies so our executives can swim in money like Scrooge McDuck.

6. TERM AND TERMINATION ⏱️

These Terms of Service remain in effect until our exit scam planned product pivot, approximately 6-12 months after launch, or when regulatory agencies start asking questions, whichever comes first. We reserve the right to terminate your access to our platform if you exhibit signs of wanting your money back.

7. MODIFICATIONS AND INTERRUPTIONS 🔄

We may modify the platform at any time without notice, especially when the price is dropping. Scheduled maintenance will occur precisely when you're trying to sell at the peak. If our website is down for more than 24 hours, assume we've rebranded and launched a new token. Please buy that one too.

8. GOVERNING LAW 👨‍⚖️

These Terms shall be governed by the laws of a small island nation that changes depending on which extradition treaties are currently being enforced. Any legal action must be filed in person at our headquarters, which is located at the peak of Mt. Everest on the fifth Tuesday of each month.

9. DISPUTE RESOLUTION ⚖️

All disputes shall be resolved through a game of rock, paper, scissors against our legal team. In the event of a tie, the dispute will be settled by a dance-off judged by our CEO's pet iguana. The iguana's decision is final and legally binding in at least 0 jurisdictions.

10. CORRECTIONS ✏️

There may be information on the Site that contains typographical errors, factual inaccuracies, outright lies, and elaborate fantasies about our technology and returns. We reserve the right to never correct any of these because they're working really well for us so far.

11. DISCLAIMER 🚨

THE SITE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS-IS," "WHERE-IS," "WHO-KNOWS," "PROBABLY-A-SCAM" BASIS. YOUR USE OF THE SITE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, WE DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING THE IMPLIED WARRANTY THAT OUR CRYPTO HAS ANY VALUE WHATSOEVER.

12. LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY 💸

IN NO EVENT WILL WE BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANYTHING AT ALL, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVEN IF WE TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY AND RUN. IF YOU LOSE YOUR LIFE SAVINGS, THAT'S ON YOU FOR BELIEVING A WEBSITE WITH THIS MANY FLASHING ANIMATIONS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS.

13. INDEMNIFICATION 🛡️

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold us harmless from any claims, liabilities, damages, and expenses, including attorneys' fees and cryptocurrency consultants who charge $500/hour to say "HODL" and "To The Moon!" repeatedly in Zoom calls.

14. USER DATA ⚙️

We will maintain certain data that you transmit to the Site for the purpose of managing the performance of the Site, as well as building a comprehensive database of potential customers for our future scams innovative investment opportunities.

15. ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATIONS 📱

By using our site, you consent to receiving electronic communications from us at 3 AM asking you to buy more $FREE. These communications will often convey fabricated urgency and contain multiple typos to appear authentic. Attempting to unsubscribe will subscribe you to five additional mailing lists.